CP's Top 10 Tools

10 Milwaukee Sawzall - useful problem solving device not only in the garage, but on the garage itself. "Whaddya mean the door is too low for the new dually to fit?" Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrzzzzzzzzzzzz!

9 Really Long Screwdriver - indispensible for poking down spark plug holes, using with tool #2 to loosen overtightened oil filters, prying the dingus away from the whatchamajiggy, and hundreds of other highly technical procedures.

8 Hacksaw - you need this for enlarging the slots in philips head screws so you can use the Really Long Screwdriver to remove them. Ditto for slotting bolt heads after you round the points off with tool #7. Or for slotting the bolt shaft after you break the head off.

7 Visegrips - It's a clamp! It's pliers! It's a hammer! If you can actually name a project where you didn't use the visegrips, it merely shows that you lack creativity. Plus, they're very important for opening those pistachios that don't have room to get your thumbnail in between the shell halves.

6 The Gas Axe - Really ought to be oxyacetylene, a plasma cutter is acceptable but kind of high tech for the class. Oxyacetylene is also a lot more versatile that the plasma cutter - it can be used to heat stuck bolts prior to application of tool #2, to heat metal parts prior to application of tool #2 (what can I say - this an tool #2 just make a dandy pair), and to warm burritos VERY fast.

5 Welder - once again, in keeping with the spirit of the class, this ought to be a gas unit, but in deference to the changing times, one of those nambypamby MIG/TIG units is acceptable as long as it draws enought juice to dim the neighbors' lights when you strike the arc.

4 Chalk - Since tobacco juice is both passe' and hazardous to your health, how else are you going to mark where you want to cut and/or weld?

3 Yardstick - You've got to figure out where to make that mark, and folding measures are getting harder to come by nowadays. In a pinch, fall back on the ruler cast in to the top of the old tackle box you keep your carb jets and gaskets in.

2 Sledgehammer - an indispensible aid to parts adjustment, removal and relocation.

and of course, the #1 CP Indispensible Tool...

1 The Margarita Machine - an indispensible aid to attitude adjustment and creativity

 

Chris Heiny